In light of Kelly Clarkson's cheeky pop smash "My Life Would Suck Without You," I give you the following tribute to non-sucky suck songs.
1. Reel Big Fish, "Everything Sucks"
It's hard not to bop your head to this delicious slice of ska-pop goodness. Sure, there's less substance than a half-hour of Hannity & Colmes (excuse me, Hannity), but what do you expect from a group whose (arguably) biggest song is an ode to their favorite alcohol beverage?
2. Mark Ronson (featuring Rivers Cuomo), "I Suck"
Catchy, funk-inflected power-punk that features the unlikely pairing of soul-obsessed celebrity DJ Mark Ronson and the lead
singer of Weezer. This track comes from an album, "Here Comes the Fuzz", that also lists Jack White, Sean Paul and Ghostface Killah among its guest appearances. Man, would I love to have ten minutes with Ronson's rolodex...
3. Red Hot Chili Peppers, "Suck My Kiss"
Stop-and-go funk-rock with a filthy bass line and Anthony Keidis ' quintiessentially exuberant white-boy scat raps.
(You also gotta love the naked bass-playing Flea in this clip from Woodstock 99...)
4. Run-DMC, "Sucker MCs"
The minimalist snare-and-bass drumbeat set the standard for hip-hoppers 20 years to come. Even in its musical and lyrical simplicity, this track out-gangstas anything by Jeezy, Weezy, Yeezy or Eazy.
5. Stevie Wonder, "All Day Sucker"
This organ-driven soul-funk workout features Stevie at his most brazenly sexual, offering up eyebrow-raising commands to "get me horny for your love." (Though it should be mentioned that the title is a figure of speech rather than a dirty come-on...)
6. Nine Inch Nails, "Suck"
"How does it feel?" Trent Reznor snarls. If this downtrodden bit of industrial metal is any indication, the answer is "not so good." It rocks, if glumly. The suckiest of the bunch - hence, it's 6th-place positioning - but a no-less-worthy addition to the cannon of suck-related songs.
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